A Reason To Sing
I wrote this months ago during an especially tough season.
I’ve been walking thru a dry and lonely season. Tonight we went to a worship service.
I felt wooden. I sang the words, but it was forced.
I knew the worship song, and I sang despite the empty feeling.
I lifted my hands. They felt like clay.
Not only did my arms feel like clay. I felt like clay.
I closed my eyes, wanting, aching to see Him.
“Lord.”
Numb. I stood several moments surveying this strange awkwardness.
It had been growing, but now the stark emptiness echoed within me.
I stood there; a deep hollow cavern.
I spoke quietly to Him, “I am thirsty.”
Others around me sang. I didn’t care.
I was strangely aware of my heartbeat.
Lord. What do You want from me? I don’t have anymore to give.
I’m tired. I don’t want anything but you.
What more do You want?
Awareness of others dissipated and suddenly I became profoundly aware of Him.
I stood frozen in my barely 2 foot square spot of “solitude”: A turbulence rose within me.
I brought my hand to my neck.
Pulse …normal.
What is going on?
Lord!
The turbulence became a hunger; a growing inner tremble;
“Let go.”
Let go? What am I holding on too?
Let go.
Selah.
For a split moment all thoughts stopped. All senses shift to a serene, sublime neutral. For a simple, splendid moment I stood in exceptional awareness of His Presence.
No words; only concepts run thru my mind:
Life –heart beating strong
Air –breath, sustaining life
Light –capturing evidence of His Creation —everywhere
Movement –life in motion
Color –outlining, underscoring traces of His beauty
Sound -harmonizing an eternal Hallelujah!
The scent of rain –cleansing
Electricity -pulsing in the air
Power -heaven streaming to the natural
Always THERE. ALWAYS Him.
Our existence within the Creator’s presence.
There’s no existence outside of Him.
Too magnificent to comprehend. A splendid instant; a moment paused in time.
Imprinted and sealed for a lifetime.
Aware only of Him… Him EVERYWHERE. Him in EVERYTHING. Him for all TIME.
The charge of an electric, unseen, I AM HERE, overtakes my cares of everything BUT Him.
My heart quakes within my chest
Hope –like fresh air to lungs; floods my being.
The Creator’s love rooted in me rises to acknowledge Him -the Giver of life.
Love. This formidable force is impossible to resist.
…like a nail drawn to a magnet.
We do not love on our own anymore then a nail draws a magnet.
We are loved; drawn too love.
His love permeates our souls.
He flows TO IN THRU us.
His presence IN me -roaring like a burning flame –a fire in my bones, a welcomed brilliance –aching to release the fire of His goodness & mercies onto others.
The moment passes, but His presence remains.
Lord, if this is the desert. Gladly here I’ll stay.
The desert path continued, but hope accompanied me to the place of absolute surrender. This path is good, and on it I’ll stay, wherever it may lead.
Truly, His presence alone is all we need!
“Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name.” Hebrews 13:15 NAS
